As the saying goes, it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play
the game that matters. How are you playing the game of Life?
Are you
playing to win, or are you playing not to lose?
By playing “not to lose”, I mean living life defensively--trying to
survive and keep from losing what you’ve got. Playing to win means
letting go and taking in everything that life is giving you--going for
it. Playing to win is about thriving (or thrival, as I like to think of
it).
Take money, for instance. Are you afraid you don’t have enough money?
Do you worry that what you do have won’t be enough? Are you holding
onto it tightly, afraid to let it go—for example, do you hate to pay
bills or put off buying things that you know you need or want (health
insurance, home repairs, a vacation)? Or maybe you’re letting money
slip through your fingers, spending it faster than it comes in while
you sink deeper and deeper into debt. Either way, prosperity is not
flowing freely around you. These are all symptoms of playing not to
lose with money.
What would you do or how would you be if you were playing to win, instead?
Playing to win takes courage and surrender. If you want to be more
courageous about money, your first step might be to let go of
something—an idea, belief or judgment, perhaps—that blocks you from
being fully engaged.
One of my clients realized she hadn’t been playing to win when she
uncovered a half-hidden belief that she wasn’t smart enough about
money. She hadn't paid much attention to the effect of that thought
until we started talking about what was stopping her from growing her
business.
She had this little voice inside that constantly told her she had NO
BUSINESS handling money; she wasn’t good at math; she was clueless
about accounting, investments and bookkeeping. This belief was so
strong that she was afraid to even ask for help, because she worried
that she wouldn’t know if someone was giving her bad advice.
She had been holding onto the appearance of being a confident,
competent business woman, even though in her heart she didn’t believe
it. She was trying to bluff her way through so she wouldn’t lose
respect and credibility. Meanwhile, she had no freedom to grow her
business and couldn’t even enjoy the success she already had.
The paradox of playing to win or playing not to lose is this:
When
you’re playing not to lose, the best you can hope for is “not losing.”
There is no way to win when you’re playing not to lose.
When you’re playing to win, there is no such thing as “losing”; the worst that can happen is that you keep playing.
Since
playing not to lose was costing her the very things she wanted most in
life (freedom and joy), she decided to try playing to win.
First, she admitted that she wanted more freedom and joy in her
life. Second, she reminded herself that she was bright, capable and
resourceful. After all, she had managed to teach herself everything
she knew about business up to this point; she could easily learn
whatever she needed to know to about money.
She also decided to relax a little and give herself permission to
enjoy the freedom that she sought—and risk making some mistakes along
the way.
She took an honest look at what she did (and did not) know about
money, and then she got into action. She set some goals, did her
homework and asked for help. Did she make some mistakes? Of course! But
she stuck with it and looked for the learning in each stumble.
Over the course of a year, she more than doubled her income and paid
off two of her credit cards. Interestingly, there were also a number of
spontaneous, synchronistic “gifts” that showed up just when she needed
them.
Perhaps most importantly, she now has something that money can’t
buy: the ability to choose how she’s going to play the game today.
How are you choosing to play the game?
I'm so blasted happy right this very minute that I actually have a huge grin on my face as I type this. I'm going to have carpal facial syndrome if this continues.
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