Kathy Mallary | Coaching Biz Tips

How'd I end up on the D-list?!

Spam envy: not something I would have thought possible until I read Wendy Maynard's post about leveraging your spam.

Wendy says:

Let me start by saying I HATE Spam e-mail and Junk mail. Especially ones that have anything to do with drugs, weight loss, Viagra, or {ahem} enhancing things.

But…there are ways to leverage some of the Spam and Junk you get. Every once in a while I get something of interest in my Inbox or my mailbox. It is interesting because it is from a reputable company and it is effective advertising - both from a design and/or a copywriting perspective.

She has some creative suggestions for how to recycle the better-quality spam, such as saving it as an example or even forwarding it to clients who may actually be interested in the product the spam is advertising.

My first thought was that she must get some REALLY good spam. And my second thought was that I must be on the D-list for spam, because all I ever get is the stuff about "drugs, weight loss, Viagra, or {ahem} enhancing things."

I don't recall the last time I got spam that was half-way coherent, much less something that I'd want to save or forward. Here's a typical example of something in the "pharma" category that arrived just this morning:

After all new site is bringing out!!!

*    Menfolk’s health
*    Anti-Depressants
*    Ache relief
*    Womenfolk’s health
*    Anti-Diabetics
*    Blood Pressure/Cholesterin
*    Anti-allergic/Asthma remedies
*    Anti Gastric Acidity
As our respective client you can first try our fascinating offer!!
FDA, CPA Tested, Visa Ratified.

Check this out just now!!!

After reading this more closely, I must admit a few things did catch my attention -- for instance, I wasn't aware that there was an anti-diabetics movement (are people with diabetes really that bad?). But the biggest thing is that I haven't been paying attention to whether my vitamins or drugs have ever been "CPA Tested (!) or Visa Ratified", so I'm making a mental note to ask my accountant about that next time I'm having my cholesterin checked.

But my point is that there's spam and then there's SPAM. And I'm clearly on the wrong list. I'm a savvy, self-employed professional woman like Wendy, but I'm not getting the same quality of spam. And how do you fix that? I mean, it's not like there's a Bureau of Spam Equity to appeal to.

You can complain about spam all day long, but it still keeps coming. It's like that line in the Eagle's song, Hotel California: "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

I resigned myself long ago to emptying the spam trash every day, just like I empty the kitchen trash. I suppose I could set up a little recycling bin for spam... if only I could figure out how to get off the D-list so I'd start getting spam that's worth recycling.

Any ideas?

The Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co.

This is the coolest thing I've ever seen. THE COOLEST.

Cool idea. Cool stuff in the store. Cool behind-the-scenes ulterior motive. Cool marketing.

It's exactly what it appears to be at first glance: an honest-to-goodness Space Travel Supply Company. Right here in Seattle.

And it's much, much more. It's the store front and cash flow engine for a totally awesome non-profit called 826 Seattle:

826 Seattle is a nonprofit writing and tutoring center dedicated to helping youth, ages six to 18, improve their creative and expository writing skills, and to helping teachers inspire their students to write. Our services are structured around our belief that great leaps in learning can happen with one-on-one attention and that strong writing skills are fundamental to future success.

826 Seattle is one of six 826 National chapters. The original, 826 Valencia, is located in San Francisco’s Mission District (826valencia.org). The others are in Ann Arbor (826michigan.org); Brooklyn (826NYC.org); Chicago (826chi.org); and Los Angeles (826la.org).

Each of the chapters has a funky and fun "front". Only it's not just a front -- you can actually find the stuff advertised:

…the Greenwood Space Travel Supply Co. is the kind of novelty shop that sells imagination. . . .But what makes this beautifully realized shop work is its unflinching devotion to theme. As far as I’m concerned, this truly is a space-travel supply store, my first stop for rocket fuel, stun guns and do-it-yourself intergalactic treaties.”

— Convergence Zone, NWsource web blog, November 29, 2005

PLUS you can also find the stuff that the kids are writing.

Read more about 826 and other mojo magic over at Magic Boxes, Canned Chaos and Creative Totems, by Josh Clark of Global Moxie.

I wonder what kind of mileage a gal could get with a Star Trek shuttlecraft...

Mailing list etiquette

Saw this posted as a humorous story on one of the public discussion lists I belong to and it made me laugh -- so I naturally thought it warranted posting under the category, "Makes me laugh".

Hopefully, it will make you laugh, too. Or maybe wince. (Hey, we've all been there, done that, right?)

Mailing List Etiquette
A "Typical" Mailing List Thread

By Randy Woodward
(Permission to distribute intact with author attribution.)

Wide-eyed Newbie: Hi. I'm a new trainer and I am using a video in tomorrow's session. I'm wondering about the lights. Should I leave them on, dim them, or turn them off completely? Could someone on the list give me some quick advice on this? Thanks!

Expert #1: What on earth are you using video for? No learning of any value can come from video!

Expert #2: First, you need to define, "what is light?"

Expert #3: How can you define light? You just know what it is.

Expert #2: Everything can be defined. We can't pursue the issue any further unless we establish exactly what you mean by light.

Expert #3: OK, I define light as "light." The absence of darkness.

Expert #2: If that's the definition, you must now define darkness.

Expert #3: Darkness is the absence of light.

Expert #2: That's no answer!

Expert #3: That's my definition. Now lets discuss light.

Expert #2: We can't continue until you answer in terms that I'm willing to acknowledge, "what is light." Why are you avoiding the issue?

Expert #3: I'm not! Definitions aren't the issue. Light is the issue, blockhead.

Expert #2: I'm not going to read a single word you write until you define light and dark. Are you ignorant or just afraid to? (Experts #2 and #3 then go off on a long thread of personal insults, but it doesn't matter because everyone else stopped reading them three messages ago.)

Huckster #1: I thoroughly cover the use of lighting in my book "Everything I Know About Video Training." I won't go into it here, but copies are available from my web site.

Expert #4: You can't adjust the lights until you've done an exhaustive needs analysis of the situation. Start by interviewing every employee, manager, and customer of your organization, the lighting manufacturer, VCR manufacturer, the video producer...

Huckster #2: You need an expert. For a reasonable consulting fee, I will stand in your classroom and adjust the lights for you.

Free User: I have the text of Dr. Noted Trainingguru's 1972 article on adjusting lights for filmstrips in the "files" section of my web site. This should be applicable. Feel free to download and distribute.

Expert #1: THAT'S A COPYRIGHT VIOLATION!

Free User: Copyright, schmopyright. I can do whatever I want as long as I don't make money from it. (And so is born another long thread of unrelated discussion).

Wide-eyed Newbie: Uhm, yeah. Should I dim the lights or not?

Expert #1: I think you're asking the wrong question. The correct question is: "Is it even possible to adjust the lights so they will be 100% perfectly comfortable for everyone in the room?" Of course it isn't. Therefore, even trying is a waste of time.

Huckster #3: I have an in-house workshop, "Adjusting lights 101." For a reasonable fee plus travel and expenses, I will come to your facility and train up to 12 people.

Expert #5: Are you sure the lights want to be changed? Have you considered waiting to see if the lights try to adjust themselves?

Huckster #4: Why use a boring, old-fashioned video? For a reasonable fee, we'll custom produce a web-based training solution for whatever training problem you may be addressing.

Expert #1: No learning of any value can come from web-based training!

Wide-eyed Newbie: Sorry I brought it up. I think I'll go ask the janitor.

Hello, my name is Mystique

OK, confession time--sometimes I surf to the far reaches of the web while my boss (that would be ME) isn't watching. But who could resist taking this short survey to find out what your Super Villain personality is!?!