As the saying goes, it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play
the game that matters. How are you playing the game of Life?
Are you playing to win, or are you playing not to lose?
By playing “not to lose”, I mean living life defensively--trying to survive and keep from losing what you’ve got. Playing to win means letting go and taking in everything that life is giving you--going for it. Playing to win is about thriving (or thrival, as I like to think of it).
Take money, for instance. Are you afraid you don’t have enough money? Do you worry that what you do have won’t be enough? Are you holding onto it tightly, afraid to let it go—for example, do you hate to pay bills or put off buying things that you know you need or want (health insurance, home repairs, a vacation)? Or maybe you’re letting money slip through your fingers, spending it faster than it comes in while you sink deeper and deeper into debt. Either way, prosperity is not flowing freely around you. These are all symptoms of playing not to lose with money.
What would you do or how would you be if you were playing to win, instead?
Playing to win takes courage and surrender. If you want to be more courageous about money, your first step might be to let go of something—an idea, belief or judgment, perhaps—that blocks you from being fully engaged.
One of my clients realized she hadn’t been playing to win when she uncovered a half-hidden belief that she wasn’t smart enough about money. She hadn't paid much attention to the effect of that thought until we started talking about what was stopping her from growing her business.
She had this little voice inside that constantly told her she had NO BUSINESS handling money; she wasn’t good at math; she was clueless about accounting, investments and bookkeeping. This belief was so strong that she was afraid to even ask for help, because she worried that she wouldn’t know if someone was giving her bad advice.
She had been holding onto the appearance of being a confident, competent business woman, even though in her heart she didn’t believe it. She was trying to bluff her way through so she wouldn’t lose respect and credibility. Meanwhile, she had no freedom to grow her business and couldn’t even enjoy the success she already had.
The paradox of playing to win or playing not to lose is this:
When you’re playing not to lose, the best you can hope for is “not losing.” There is no way to win when you’re playing not to lose.
When you’re playing to win, there is no such thing as “losing”; the worst that can happen is that you keep playing.
Since playing not to lose was costing her the very things she wanted most in life (freedom and joy), she decided to try playing to win.
First, she admitted that she wanted more freedom and joy in her life. Second, she reminded herself that she was bright, capable and resourceful. After all, she had managed to teach herself everything she knew about business up to this point; she could easily learn whatever she needed to know to about money.
She also decided to relax a little and give herself permission to enjoy the freedom that she sought—and risk making some mistakes along the way.
She took an honest look at what she did (and did not) know about money, and then she got into action. She set some goals, did her homework and asked for help. Did she make some mistakes? Of course! But she stuck with it and looked for the learning in each stumble.
Over the course of a year, she more than doubled her income and paid off two of her credit cards. Interestingly, there were also a number of spontaneous, synchronistic “gifts” that showed up just when she needed them.
Perhaps most importantly, she now has something that money can’t buy: the ability to choose how she’s going to play the game today.
How are you choosing to play the game?
